My Toyota is giving me the swine flu!

And it's all George Bush's fault, and it's snowed today because of global warming. We also need an expensive new health care bill that we can't afford because if we don't get it, the economy won't rebound. Businesses won't hire anyone unless they are burdened with more taxes and debt. We must spend ourselves, our children, and our grandchildren into oblivion because if we don't, we won't be able to get out of debt. We can't save money unless we spend it first. (That's not working at my house.) To top it all off, we have more oil underneath the ground in our own country than the whole middle east combined, but it's better to leave it there and get if from overseas because if we get it here, we will cause too much prosperity. And maybe kill some spider or lizard that needs to live or the whole planet will become a living hell.

Am I ready to run for congress yet?